A hospital lane in Italy, a tragical joke.
A hospital lane in Italy, a tragical joke.

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems. The doctor says: “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health. The mathematician says: ” You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife — you can do some mathematics.

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A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
“You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”

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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

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A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, “The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam’s rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat.” The architect did not agree. He said, “But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect.” The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, “Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?

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In a “Mental Hospital” a journalist asks the Doctor: How do u determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?
Dr: Well..we’d fill a bathtub?? with water and then give
a teaspoon,
a glass, and
a bucket
to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub?.
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket coz its bigger.
Dr: “No, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Please go to bed No.39. We will start further investigations on you!”

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A new investor came to see a famous stockbroker. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” said the investor. “Of course,” the stockbroker replied, “I charge 1000 $ per question” “Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?” asked the investor “Yes it is,” said the stockbroker, “And what’s your 3rd question?”

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A fellow walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
A few minutes later a nurse’s aid came out and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.
Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
The doctor said, “Where?”
He said, “Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”

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A husband visited a marriage counsellor and said: “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it’s different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”
Said the counsellor: “Why complain. You are still getting the same service.
In the corporate world they call it,
*Job Rotation*!”

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Four friends (ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion… One goes to take food while the other three start to talk about how successful their sons have become. No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich that he gave his best friend a Ferrari. No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich that he gave his best friend a Jet. No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich that he build his best friend a Castle. No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what’s the buzz all about. They told her they were talking about how successful their sons have become and asked her about her son. She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar. The others said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful. “Oh no!!” said the lady, he is doing good. “Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a Jet and a Castle from three of his boyfriends…” . All the 3 Ladies fainted …

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I took my buddy for a job interview at a camera store the other day.
Before he walked in he knew I’d have a joke lined up, and said “I know you, please don’t give me any of your ridiculous puns , like, be sure to frame your subjects, focus on the details, or it’ll be over in a flash…”
So I punched him in the face, and said: “That bruise should develop in about an hour and if you interrupt my jokes again, well, you get the picture..”

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A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, “Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.”
“But doc,” protested the patient, “if I do that, I’ll get pneumonia.”
“I know,” said the doctor, “I can cure pneumonia.”

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In hell a man passed a room where an economist was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman. “What a crummy deal!” the man complained. “I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman.” An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”

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Einstein enters a university for his first day of work. The Dean leads him to the staff room and introduces him to the others professors. “Here is your first colleague, he has an IQ of 180!”
“Why that’s wonderful!” Says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics and physics!”
Just then another man moves out to shake Albert’s hand. “I also lecture here and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.”
Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think interest rates are headed?”

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Q: How do you find a small-cap fund manager?
A: Find a large-cap fund manager and wait.

Q: What’s the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying stocks?
A: In the first case you help finance the local community swimming pool. In the second case you help finance your stockbroker’s home swimming pool.

Q: Why was astrology invented?
A: So that economics could be considered an accurate science.

Q: What’s the easiest way to make a small fortune with binary options?
A: Start with a large fortune.

Q: Dad what is liquidity?
A: When I look at my binary options account and wet myself.

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In Italy there are about 60 million people and we know how high is the percentage of morons on national soil. However, in China there are about 1.4 billion people and in India almost 1.3 billion. Therefore I wonder then, if more or less all the world is a small village, with how many morons should we have to come to terms on the territory of this stupid planet. It’s the same the world over, or the world is the same wherever you go!
Carl William Brown

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In the Church of San Giovanni (One of the finest Renaissance churches in Italy) you can see Tintoretto’s masterpiece, “Madonna with Four Saints”. In the Church of San Giacomo you can see Botticelli’s masterpiece, “Two Saints with the Madonna”. In the Church of San Bartolomeo do not miss Tiepolo’s huge canvas, “Madonna with Twenty Three Saints”. In the chapel of San Marco, the focus of attention is Perugino’s small painting, “Madonna with just One Saint”.
George Mikes

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Italians intellectuals are few and far between. This is not a derogatory statement; nor is it a praise… Italy can boast of a number of intellectuals – brilliant and witty. But their number is small – much smaller than in France, England or Germany. The Italians, as a nation, do not read much. Observe a rush hour crowd in London or New York on the one hand and in Rome on the other. In London and New York one person in ten will be without a paper; in Rome one in ten will have a paper. The Italians will watch the women in the bus or tram, the crowd in the street or the passing shop-windows but they do not read.
George Mikes

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